Tuesday, May 27, 2008

some paralogical metaphors

my bed is the route 66 of sleeping devices

cell phones are the steamshovels of the 1980's

my cat Frizz is the Fender Telecaster of domesticated animals

this movie wants to be the Magna Carta of visual entertainment, but comes off as a cheap imitation of the policies of Alan Greenspan

you are a super nintendo that has never existed

Monday, May 26, 2008

pugilista vulgaris

its like i want to make something
punch something else
senselessly and loyally and without stopping
over and over again
until there is nothing left
there will be holes in something
there will be cuts on something
there will not be anything left
and whatever it is that punches will
turn on me and punch me in the mouth
i will wonder why until i realize
that i'm something else
with bruises too

Thursday, May 22, 2008

i need a title, please help

an airplane lands, no!
taking off again, but why?
that thing on the wheel...

his eyes roll into
his head falls his hands
tense and nostalgic:

his first day of school
and every day of school;
the last day of school

the remote control,
there on the coffee table,
inches from his hands

cars in front of him
all seem to have some sort of
dents in the bumper

electric guitars
strong hands throttling their necks
and smashed in pieces

ejaculate sweats,
slides down her rounded belly
stopped by his rough hands

an airplane lands, yes,
he exits this time, his fists clenched
teeth clenched, sore of life

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Tom and Jerry

Tom Waits and Jerry Seinfeld walk into a bar
Jerry owns this bar
Jerry asks Tom if he likes the place
Tom doesn't directly reply, instead he says
"A red bird just flew by outside"
This was before they walked inside
Jerry doesn't remember the bird, instead
he orders a cosmopolitan from the bartender
he doesn't have to pay
Tom orders a beer and, uncharacteristically, doesn't pay
He is a guest of Jerry Seinfeld
He doesn't have to pay if he doesn't want to
Jerry sips on his cosmo
Tom drinks his beer
He talks to the bartender
He asks him questions like
"Do you watch much television?"
Tom asks this in his typical whiskey-soaked voice
The bartender replies
"Only what's on the TV sets in the bar"
Tom watches the television in front of him
It's a human interest piece about the homeless
Tom takes another drink from his beer bottle
and doesn't ask the bartender any more questions
Jerry is talking to his celebrity friends.
Tom is nervous on the stool, afraid that those other people
will recognize him or his voice
He asks the bartender one more question
"Do you notice the birds in the summer?"
The bartender replies
"Is it summer already?"
Tom nods and walks over to Jerry
and, characteristically, smashes the bottle over Jerry's head
in front of his famous friends
Jerry stands with his arms spread and head cut open
His friends ask him "Did Tom Waits just hit you with a beer bottle?"
Jerry doesn't reply
Tom walks out of the bar. He sees a bum wino and gives him a twenty dollar bill.
The bum says "Thanks" and walks away
He doesn't recognize the man who gave him the money

Tom Waits knowingly walks into another bar on his own.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

The Pentagon Has Five Points and I Don't Understand Any of Them


Anyone who says that love is the opposite of war
Has never been in a war or watched the news to
see family members turn over corpses carelessly, looking
for the corpse that belongs to them.
There is love in that and carelessness too.
The same goes for peace. A soldier with
a cigarette in his mouth may be most peaceful
when he can see his target clearly and the trigger
has already been warmed by his index finger. Peace
is difficult to explain to the soldier who loves his
wife, daughter, and rifle, in that order.


I think the opposite of war is difficult to explain too
It would be something like free-form jazz, or astronomy yes astronomy because
Outer Space is the opposite of war
There are no bullets in space
There are no Nazi’s in space
That sounds funny to me. Nazi’s in space.
Supposedly Adolf Hitler was nearly aborted by his mother
Whatever gets the job done, Mrs. Hitler!
I like jokes that are created from fear and misunderstanding like that
but political satire is still political and makes me feel guilty for
not being political enough or satirical enough


Some things that are supposed to ‘inspire’ me
Are either dull or soul-crushing or both, like books and
Documentaries about children who are trained to be
killers for terrorists and fascists and other groups of people
who are afraid and don’t understand themselves or anyone else.
All those books and movies do is remind me how terrible
People can be to other people, and even worse is that I am
inspired with fear of orphans and children with AK-47's


Whenever I see people get shot on television I notice
the placement of the camera
the way the light seems to focus together at the end of the barrel
right before the bullet pushes the brain through the skull through the skin
I would say something like The setting really added a lot of dignity
To his death

But no one really died
Suicide is still very dignified, right?


Sometimes I wish that aliens existed. Not just one type of alien,
But many types of alien, all of them terrifyingly intelligent, all of them
Fighting each other and killing each other for not being the right
type of alien. Then all these aliens would converge here, on this planet,
and they would laugh at our bodies, and they would laugh at our primitive weapons
And then they would see a human body with a primitive gun destroy another human body, and
They would piss their alien pants and run away screaming, wondering
how we ruthless alien earthlings could do something like that
And then they would blow up the planet
For obvious reasons