Fear of an Internet Planet

I overcame my fear of the Internet.
My pride swelled to the sound of clicks and whistles.
And then I searched 'clicks and whistles', and discovered
that computers beep and boop, more or less.
Then I learned things from the internet.
I learned how to build the Internet
I discovered infinity plus one.
I found out my sister is having a boy,
and he will be named after the Internet.
All of these things are true, and you
can read about them on the Internet.
Next I ravaged the Internet for sex,
and discovered none worth having.
I assume this is why pornography exists,
although there are infinity plus one reasons
to pretend that sex isn't hilarious.
I bought a computer off the Internet,
and the Internet thinks I'm very clever.
The Internet indulges my vanity.
It is a room full of mirrors.
It is a grocery store full of naked people.
No one is embarrassed to buy bananas
in the virtual reflective sex-market.
If the Internet didn't exist,
it would be necessary to invent it.

bonesetter

This is no trick of photography.
I've been so busy I'm blurry.
That's Jeremy Bauer right there.
He's playing a handsaw with a bow.
Yes, it's as cool as it sounds.
Click here to hear the band we are in.
Anyway, back to how blurrily busy I've been.
Too busy to write
Too busy to fill out paperwork.
Too busy to be rich.
Too busy to smoke cigarettes,
but much busier to quit.
Too busy to freestyle rap.
Too busy to stretch my hamstrings.
Too busy for sobriety.
Too busy to read good books.
Too busy to have emotions
except anxiety and restlessness.

Paranoia

I watched North by Northwest.
Hungover this morning.
I'm going to eat a cookie.
Everyone is looking at me.
No one has anything to say.
It's all in your head.
My head feels like a bowling ball.

Restraint

Showing your teeth is a sign of weakness
in the animal kingdom. A woman
bites her lower lip; Every time I fall
for one I kick myself in the ass.

Raps

I'm murderous, unheard of it
I put it in her uterus
Now she's gonna have my baby
Never fuck with fuckin' crazy

Geography

I'll ask more questions and answer fewer.
I'll set myself aside in a corner

(Perhaps Florida, Probably Oregon).
There I'll weave a new history

that stands up against any scrutiny.
Against the gaze of bitter old friends

or the sheer miles that lay between them.

The Internet

The Internet is foreign like a BP clerk with a shifty gaze signing "Don't Stop Believin'".
The Internet does not know that the BP in Muncie is owned by (possibly) Persian businessman.
The Internet screams for racism.
The Internet needs a weatherman, a weather balloon, and a wet thumb to know which way the wind blows.
The Internet alliterates.
The Internet does not give a shit about anyone while simultaneously providing all the shit we care about. The Internet finds this hilarious. I do not.
The Internet twitters all the time. I only twitter on crystal meth.
The Internet makes me feel old and I am only twenty-one, someone buy me a drink.
The Internet is responsible for twenty-five percent of my sexual encounters.
The Internet has a website behind your forehead.
The Internet LMFAO
The Internet is the opposite of Bob Dylan
The Internet is not alive except NOW NOW NOW NOW
The Internet has never offered me a handshake. Get to it.
The Internet cannot read.
The Internet 56k modem bzzzzzz
The Internet has a motherboard and no fatherboard. The Internet is a bastard. Long live the Internet.
The Internet is only twenty-one years old.