The Internet

The Internet is foreign like a BP clerk with a shifty gaze signing "Don't Stop Believin'".
The Internet does not know that the BP in Muncie is owned by (possibly) Persian businessman.
The Internet screams for racism.
The Internet needs a weatherman, a weather balloon, and a wet thumb to know which way the wind blows.
The Internet alliterates.
The Internet does not give a shit about anyone while simultaneously providing all the shit we care about. The Internet finds this hilarious. I do not.
The Internet twitters all the time. I only twitter on crystal meth.
The Internet makes me feel old and I am only twenty-one, someone buy me a drink.
The Internet is responsible for twenty-five percent of my sexual encounters.
The Internet has a website behind your forehead.
The Internet LMFAO
The Internet is the opposite of Bob Dylan
The Internet is not alive except NOW NOW NOW NOW
The Internet has never offered me a handshake. Get to it.
The Internet cannot read.
The Internet 56k modem bzzzzzz
The Internet has a motherboard and no fatherboard. The Internet is a bastard. Long live the Internet.
The Internet is only twenty-one years old.